Occupation: Unemployed Vampire
by Girafferaft
Summary: The adults were away from two weeks, leading the kids to enter into a friendly "spending" competition. Far too many expensive purchases in such a small time leads to a potential breach in the Cullen's cover, and a lot of maxed out credit cards. Now Carlisle is making the kids get real jobs. With tons of life experience and no work experience, who's going to hire them? AU.
1. Resumes

A/N: Here's the full description, it was a too long for the summary box.

The adults were away from two weeks, leaving the kids to enter into a friendly "spending" competition. Far too many expensive purchases in such a small time leads to a potential breach in the Cullen's cover, and a lot of maxed out credit cards. Carlisle makes the decision to cut off from the kids from the family's money, and forces them to learn the value of a dollar. Now the kids have to get real jobs. With tons of life experience and no work experience, who's going to hire them?

Rosalie POV:

"My one rule is that you stay inconspicuous," Carlisle lectured for what felt like the hundredth time.

I felt like I could repeat his speech by heart. "It's not about the money, it's the principle of the matter," he repeated as if one cue.

I sighed. Esme and Carlisle had spent two weeks away at Isle Esme, leaving me and the others to fend for ourselves. With so much free time and so little parental guidance, we had gotten into a spending competition of sorts. No one could pin point who exactly was at fault for this. In fact, the winner of the competition had to be determined by an intense match of rock, paper, scissors.

I admired the new ring Emmett had bought me as Carlisle finished his speech for what was hopefully the last time.

I looked up after he seemed like he was done, confused as the others around me protested against whatever Carlisle had said. What? Was Carlisle going to make us return all the stuff? It wouldn't be the worst end result.

"You can't be serious," I heard Jasper say. Carlisle stood with his arms folded across his chest, a smug look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked Emmett, hoping my absent-mindedness went unnoticed amongst the flurry of reactions.

"He's making us get jobs," Jasper sneered.

My glance quickly moved to Esme, desperation in my eyes. "Jobs," I repeated, the word sounding foreign on my tongue.

None of us had ever had jobs before. Besides Carlisle's position at the hospital and Esme's interior decorating business. Even that was more of a hobby. Esme shrugged, as if to say that this was out of her hands.

"He's bluffing right," asked Emmett, looking towards Alice and Edward who were both deep in thought.

"No, he means it," Edward finally replied.

Alice nodded in agreement.

"How are we supposed to get jobs when we have all this life experience but we're supposed to only be 17?" I asked.

"You're smart. Figure it out," Carlisle said simply.

 **Alice POV:**

We ended up needing to purchase a storage unit to fit the rest of our "spending spree" items in. As of now, I think we had created a mostly accurate list of things we had bought.

Rosalie had gotten another BMW, because she claimed her first one needed a friend.

Emmet bought a taxidermized grizzly bear, and a few different engagement and wedding rings for Rosalie so that when it came time for them to get married again he was "prepared".

I had bought out most of Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus and Express. Although my purchases were arguably the least harmful, because they benefited everyone. I had even made sure to pick up a few new pairs of shoes for Carlisle whilst I was spending.

Edward had purchased a grand piano, dipped in gold to match the carpet in his bedroom.

Jasper had gotten into a bidding war on Ebay over an old war relic. We gave him the common courtesy of not asking how much he spent, and in return he explained that whoever sold him the item would live a very rich life, however old they were.

A few minutes later we were all gathered on the couch, working on putting together resumes that said we were hirable, despite no actual experience.

"What did you put for your summary?" Emmett asked, leaning over my shoulder.

"You can't copy off my summary," I laughed, quickly covering my laptop screen with my hands.

"Yeah, no cheating," Jasper scolded, while not-so-sneakily glancing at what I had written.

"How does this sound," Emmett began. "Desperate, 100-year-old vampire seeks job with great pay, few hour-"

"Wait what's that?" Asked Rosalie, moving to get a better look at Emmett's resume. "Did you include a shirtless picture of yourself?"

'I mean babe, c'mon. How else am I going to get hired?" He asked, gesturing towards his frame.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and went back to working on her resume.

Edward cleared his through to bring attention back to his side of the room. "For education, I included both my medical degrees, obviously. I also put that my skills include 'dazzling' people... maybe I can re-work that into something customer service related. And I can't include that..." he mumbled to himself as he deleted his position in "law enforcement" which was really the short period of time that he decided he could be justified in murdering the "bad" people. He quickly seemed to lose the confidence he had in his resume upon reading it out loud, and went back to editing.

"How are you supposed to have all those degrees when you're only a junior in high school?" Rosalie asked.

"Know-it-all," Edward said, sticking his tongue out at her.

I finished off my resume, hitting "save" before anyone else could disturb me. Now where could I apply? My resume only contained a few lies… it claimed I worked the past year in retail. Which if shopping isn't working in retail, then I don't know what is.

I would focus on applying to stores I liked to shop at **.** It couldn't be that hard. All we had to do was get interviews, we could charm our way through the rest of it. I made a plan with everyone else that we would make copies of our resumes and refuse to leave the mall tomorrow until all of us had been hired.


	2. Interviews

**Jasper POV**

While Rosalie and Alice spent the rest of the night picking out outfits for everyone, somehow Emmett had me in a headlock as him, myself and Edward discussed what the person who got hired last, or not at all, would have to do as a punishment.

Edward sat patiently on the side, notebook in hand, writing down our ideas as fast as we could think of them.

"We already did that one," Edward sighed, scribbling out what he had just written. Probably one of Emmett's ideas.

"And that's one we decided to save for a special occasion," Edward reminded Emmett.

"Wait I got it," I shouted, breaking free of the headlock.

"Nope, nope, nope," Alice said, storming into the bedroom, Rosalie in tow. "Absolutely not."

Emmett and Rosalie looked between the three of us, waiting for someone to explain what was going on. Before Alice could put her hand over my mouth to stop me, I exclaimed, "tattoos!"

"Yes!" Emmet shouted, reaching to high-five me. "And winners get to choose what the tattoo is."

"No, I will not agree to this," said Edward, his lips already forming into a pout.

"Oh, c'mon. Don't think you can win?" Emmett taunted.

"Of course, I'm going to win," Edward scoffed.

"We'll see," I smirked.

 **Edward POV**

When we arrived at the mall I immediately made a break for the first department store I saw. That was a few hours ago, and several rejections later.

I was struggling to even get an interview. I had no trouble getting into contact with a manager, especially when I turned on the charm a little. But no one would hire me. I could read the thoughts of the managers, I knew exactly what they were looking for, the one thing holding me back is that they didn't have any open positions. I just needed to convince to give me a chance. I wasn't even looking to work often, I just didn't want to lose this stupid bet.

 **Alice POV**

Jasper wouldn't stop bugging me to tell him who would lose the bet.

"I don't know who's going to lose," I insisted. "If an employer hasn't made up their mind yet about who to hire, then I can't tell."

I knew Emmett had already gotten a job, but everyone else was still unemployed.

"I can tell you where you should apply next," I offered, stopping in front of an aromatherapy shop.

Jasper crinkled his nose at the overwhelming scent wafting from the store.

"Just try," I encouraged, letting go of his hand so that he could go in.

 **Emmett POV**

"You're perfect for the position," smiled the blonde from behind her desk. She couldn't be older than her late 20s, early 30s at best. "The only thing I can see being an issue is that we here at Amber & Finch like our employees to dress like they stepped off a beach in California, which means you're going to need a tan," she explained.

Emmett would be one of the male greeters at the front entrance of the store. "Alright. I can make that happen," he said.

He had never actually modeled before, but figured that pale skin, and dark circles under his eyes weren't contingent with the look the store was trying to portray.

"Great! So, you'll start Monday," she said, handing him all the necessary paper work.

Emmett walked out, a grin on his face. It was only when he was back under the fluorescent lights of the mall that he realized one small issue: vampires couldn't tan.

 **Rosalie POV**

Rosalie sat casually in one of the makeup artist designated chairs, making small, helpful comments to those who were trying on makeup.

"You know what would go great with that eyeshadow," she offered to the woman who was dabbing a gold shimmer shade on her lids. Rosalie reached into the collection of lip sticks, handing the perfect one to the woman, who took it appreciatively and glided it onto her lips. Rosalie had never had a real job before, at least in a field like this, but she imagined it was like how people got discovered to be models.

You just sat in a heavily populated area, and looked beautiful. Which is what she had been doing for the past hour at the Mac counter in Macy's. A few employees had gone up and talked to her, but none had said anything to her yet about being hired.

" _Hmm… strange," she thought_. _I wonder they were just working out a hiring letter for me. That had to be the case._

She was just about to go up to one of the Mac girls and ask when a woman in a pant suit and heels approached her, a welcoming smile on her face. This was what Rosalie had been waiting for. A manager.

"Oh thank goodness," she said with a sign of relief. "I was waiting for you," she smiled.

The woman gave her a confused look, she opened her mouth to say something but Rosalie cut her off. "Of course, I'd like to work here," she replied.

The woman began to protest but stopped herself before she could give Rosalie another once over. Rosalie was clearly the best-looking person there. The woman didn't need to know that it was due to her genetics instead of what she would claim were her impeccable makeup artistry skills.

The woman sighed, having only intended to tell Rosalie to either buy something or leave. She reconsidered this, noting how Rosalie had been giving good advice to customers.

"When can you start?" asked the woman.

 **Edward POV**

"Just give me one shot," Edward asked, his voice coming across more desperate than he would like.

" _It would be nice to have some more handsome gentlemen around here," thought the woman in front of_ _him._

Edward was in a typical department store. One that sold anything from 12-month-old clothing to washing machines. It was the fifth place he had tried. After hearing how his siblings had been successful, he couldn't help but feel desperate. It was down to him and Jasper, and Jasper had been given the opportunity to test run his potential job.

"Fine, I'll give you a chance," said smiled, happy to be giving back to today's youth.

He could've kissed her. "Great!" he said, forgetting to pay attention to the rest of Jasper's interview, as his focus was now on fully on the woman.

 **Jasper POV:**

Jasper tried to keep his attention focused on the well-dressed man sitting in front of him. The man kept emphasizing how which scent did what for the customer.

It was all a gimmick, he knew. At least he understood why Alice had directed him this way. Once he memorized which scent did what, he could convince the customer of anything, thanks to his powers.

"Are you available to do a test run?" Asked the man.

"Sure," Jasper replied, happy to do anything besides sit here.

" _This will be easy," he thought to himself._ He walked confidently into the shopping area, on the hunt for his first victim. He spotted the perfect target.

A woman in her 40s, no wedding ring. She was looking at the section which had scents intended for "calm waters and smooth sailing".

"Good afternoon, m'am," he said politely. She looked up, clearly startled. "I see you're looking at our calming scents. Do you have any particular one that stands out to you?" He asked.

"No, nothing yet," she said, smiling shyly.

"Well, then I'll be happy to show you my personal favorite," he offered, directing her attention to one of the scents above them.

He speed-read the back as he lowered it down to eye level, learning everything he needed to from the description in an instant. He went into his whole sales pitch, explaining the effects and what situations it worked best for. He invited the woman to lean closer and sniff the candle, sending waves of calm in her direction as she inhaled the aroma. The woman visibly relaxed.

The crease in her forehead flattened, and her shoulders dropped. Jasper turned to his new boss, who looked astonished by how quickly Jasper caught on.

 **Alice POV**

I sent out a group text to my other siblings, after I could see they had all found employment. Somewhere along the line, one of us had named the group chat "Vamp Squad", although no one was willing to own up to it.

 **Alice:** So, we all have jobs?

 **Rosalie:** Yes, now hurry up before they kill each other.

The plan was to meet outside of Edward's car. Alice didn't need her psychic powers to tell her that her that the boys would be fighting. Edward, the most disgruntled of them all, looked up as she approached.

"Oh good, my favorite sister is here," he smiled. "No offense, Rosalie."

" _I didn't see who got hired first Edward," I thought._

He quickly scanned my thoughts to see if I was lying, and finally threw his hands up in defeat when he realized I was serious. The others looked between us, confused by our exchange.

"Wait, I have an idea," said Emmett, a mischievous grin on his face.


End file.
